All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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