You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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