she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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