Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
