he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
We don't watch enough power rangers
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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