4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
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