you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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