i think my mom watched the whole time
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
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