your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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