Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
