I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Are my feet made of real feet?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
