Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Randomize
