I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
