She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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