I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
