We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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