That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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