i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
so much tequila, so little girl.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
