My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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