I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
