My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
