Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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