I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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