After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
