Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
