The maid of honor just puked.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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