i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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