first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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