Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
