I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
It's like God shit irony all over that family
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
