If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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