Plan B is the new Plan A
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
