Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
