If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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