Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
