so explain again why im purple
no
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
