i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
