He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
