It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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