the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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