So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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