are you so shy because you have an std?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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