I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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