dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
