my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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