I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
