i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Randomize
