Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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