The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
