i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
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