I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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